hurt heart saying .....

dear diaryellaz,

tonight is so cold and lonely..
like my heart, my soul..too cold..
am confused with other people talk,
sometimes i feel they loved me, but some other time i thought..
no one would loving me as much as i love myself for sure..
i've learnt all the things all by myself and i don't want myself hurt again like before,
why this life too awful?
Who do u think you are?
You will find me only when u need me!
You talk to me when u feel nobody want to talk with you!
You ask me to accompany you when nobody could!
I ask u, do u love me? You said you can't loved me!
You said you are not and it can't be ended with me!
So? why you always keep find me? Why all the things you've done for me?
Why you want to be nice with me?
satisfaction? for yourself? just like that?
what? do you think that am your 'love in the darkness'
which means you will find me anytime you want?
I'm not!
I'm not your 'love in the darkness!'
Who do u think you are?!
don't eva you come back to me !
don't come back at all!

Its' hard to talk about our feelings and how to express it with our own way..
with monologue you can find out your own deeply the bottom of your heart saying,
with crying and talking with the moon sometime can make us feel relieve at least..
Sometimes we need shoulder someone to crying on and crying with,
release all the hurting pain..
some people will keep the dairy and wrote everyday what they face in their life ...
and me? ..
am not trying to run anywhere or doing something stupid when i had broke up with my ex-bf
or doing something stupid stuff make u hurt yourself or whatsoever..
am just writing..am collecting of jar of hearts and
take one pieces to one pieces to make my story complete as much as my heart feeling want a that way..
now, this is the idea..what i want to share about... :)


crazee nite & bad idea,
cik cyera ;p

hari yang sangat penat..heww..=.=''

dear diaryellaz,

Hari ini hari yang sangat penat sedunia aq! Aq sampai umah aq semalam, aq terpaksa ride motor sengsorang memandangkan adik aq tak follow bapak aq nak bwk blk motor tu sampai umah..hadoii..sakett pinggang aq merempit dari PJ- Putrajaya  - Dengkil..bukanla tak biasa cume dah lame tak buat perangai camtu..huhu..( da bersara dr kerjaya merempit)kekkeke..tapi siyess ah, mang layan bawak motor sengsorang, aq rase aq je yang mampu wat camtu kekkee...bukan tak pernah aq merempit sampai ke Temerloh tu ..hee..tapi konvoi reramai la..bile fikir2 balek, aq mmg byk konvoi jauh2 dgn depa ney satu masa dulu..dlu la zaman2 gile2 remaja..tapi, skrg bru ride dari pj smpi umah aq kat Sepang ney, da patah riuk pinggang aq rase..kalo masa zaman aq study kat melaka dulu, relax je aq ride Melaka - Kajang(umah lame sblm pindah sini)Kajang - Melaka sengsorang, tapi kali nie adesss..kena start minum Anlene nampaknye...auw...

Penat aq merempit tak hilang lagi, bile aq terpaksa mengemas barang2 aq yang baru aq angkut dari hostel dan kirenye agak bersepah ngan barang2 aq kat hall depan bilik aq ney..pening aq melihatnye...pening dan sangat pening sebab aq rasekan barang2 aq ney terlampau banyak sampai bilik aq pun full dan tidak larat utk menampungnye...isk3...aq pown kemas la cket2 termasuk hall dpn bilik aq yg penuh dgn brg aq je...adoii....bertambah kos Anlene aq nak kne beli ney...(smbil mncongak2, kalo aq wat garaj sale, jual brg2 yg tak pakai ney konpem laris! )hahhaha..idea yang bgus! baju2, beg2, aksesori aq banyak yg da tak pakai..ha,best2! 

Tapi ade satu mende yang buat aq bertambah - tambah penat & bel wat aq sakett jiwe , kalo aq balik umah je, tak sah kalo aq tak wat spotsheck port2 yang tersembunyi...mane taknye, bilik aq ney adoii...byk gile anai2...!! aq stress!! bilik aq overall perabotnye kayu okay! mang susahla aq nak handle cam gini..ade skali ari tu, kat tepi toilet pintu bilik air aq, habess da ney, reput sumenye!Aq dgn penuh kesabaran ney pown spray la anai2 tersebut dgn ridsect..aq igtkan kewujudan beliau mati disitu , rupenye! yawww!! Dalam almari aq pown abess jadik mangsenye! rak buku aq jgn cakapla, da rongak satu papan bhgian bwh tuh...aq punye meraung mcam nak gile smbil me'ridsectkan beliau2 tuh! serabut aq tgk rak buku dgn buku aq skali reput..diary aq yang simpan dari skola dulu abes da aq buang, gambar2? jgn ckapla, ke dalam plstik smpah sumenye..sedih gile kowt! Kenangan ku dimakan oleh anai -anai yang tak berhati perut! huh! aq mang da nak gile bile aq tgk beliau2 ney boleh plak berparti dalam drawer almari aq, dgn secpat pantas dan kilatnye ridsect ditangan, mampus sumenye! puas aty aq! beli racun anai2 tu pown aq rase xde efek..!

since aq da blek & cuti selama 4bulan ney, aq terus je clear kan ape yg ptut dlm bilik aq ney..yela bilik aq sorang, bukan ade org pown kat uma aq, sume bz..so, aq cuti ney mang aq la jadik bibik sepenuh mase..huh! walaupun aq penat tadik, tapi sume da setel..aq da boleh berehat dengan tenangnye di atas katil aq ditemani cahaya lmpu yg suram ..hee.....( seb bek katil aq bukan kayu..kalo x? adoii...)aq rase aq nak wat request kat bapak aq nak tukar sume perabot dlm bilik aq ney kepada besi, barula xde anai-anai nak berparti aq rase..hahahhaha...!! (gelak yg sgt tak ekhlas!)  

keje aq satu ary ney dok mengemas gile2..mang da clear abes da, tatawla kalo pasney...adoii....citenye dari tadi, sakett pinggang aq masih blom hilang...kan best dapat g spa!aiyakk!nak kne 'book' awal2 sok ney...zZzzZzzz..=.=''

sy yg sgt penat,

-cik cyera-

i'm back

dear diaryellaz,

am here tonight cus i wanna write something ..something about me...
i don't know ..it's really hard to say..
from the bottom of my heart, yes i want the 'things'
but, from my wise mind say never say never..
what should i do?
am just follow the flow,
am not plan anything for my future life,
am just get going without knowing where should I go,
which path should I take..
I don't know where is my destiny will taking me,
I don't know how this life is too risky for me,
I have to make a choice,
whether i like it or not, i have to going through all this ..alone..
my life..my journey..for my future sake..
i did not put a high hope in my life cus i know, this life is awful !
i don't want to get hurt when  i cant get what i want..
what i really want in my life is happiness...
life is gud when happiness around me..
with happiness, Insyaallah i will take my steps with full of confident...
with smile in my face, yes.am gonna be strong...
strong me.... =)

xoxo, syera <3